As therapists working in Calgary, Alberta, we’ve seen the toll self-criticism can take on individuals and relationships. In a world that often emphasizes perfection, it’s easy to get caught up in being too hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up over mistakes, replaying them in our minds like a broken record. We compare our behind-the-scenes moments to everyone else’s highlight reels, wondering why we’re not more successful, more attractive, or more accomplished. But what if we told you there’s a way to break free from this cycle of self-judgment? Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), developed by Dr. Paul Gilbert, offers a powerful approach to cultivating self-compassion and understanding.

Self-criticism often masquerades as a motivator, but it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and disconnection. It’s like trying to navigate a difficult situation with a harsh inner critic breathing down our necks – it’s not exactly the most effective way to achieve our goals. Compassion Focused Therapy CFT helps individuals recognize and work with this self-criticism, acknowledging it as a common human experience rather than a personal failing. By acknowledging our shared struggles and imperfections, we can begin to develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with ourselves.

So, how can we cultivate this self-compassion? It starts with becoming aware of our inner dialogue. When do we judge ourselves harshly? What triggers this self-criticism? Is it when we make a mistake, or when we don’t meet our own expectations? By recognizing these patterns, we can begin to challenge them, asking ourselves: What would it look like to offer myself kindness instead of judgment? How would I support a friend in this situation?

Dr. Gilbert’s work emphasizes the importance of “compassionate mind training” – developing a warm, understanding attitude towards ourselves and others. This involves recognizing our shared humanity and common struggles, rather than comparing ourselves to others. It’s about acknowledging that we’re all doing the best we can with the resources we have, and that it’s okay to stumble sometimes.

One of the key concepts in Compassion Focused Therapy CFT is the idea of “safeness.” Dr. Gilbert argues that our brains are wired to prioritize safety and security, and that self-criticism can be a way of trying to achieve this. By cultivating a sense of safeness and security, we can begin to let go of self-criticism and focus on living a more authentic, values-driven life.

So, what does this look like in practice? It might involve taking a few deep breaths when we notice self-criticism arising, and reminding ourselves that it’s okay to make mistakes. It might involve writing ourselves a kind letter, or speaking to ourselves in a gentle, supportive tone. It might involve recognizing our strengths and accomplishments, rather than focusing solely on our weaknesses.

In our therapy practice, we’ve seen the transformative power of Compassion Focused Therapy CFT. Clients who once struggled with self-criticism and self-doubt are now living more authentic, values-driven lives. They’re learning to focus on their own unique strengths and qualities, rather than comparing themselves to others. As therapists, it’s incredibly rewarding to witness this growth and transformation.

If you’re struggling with self-criticism and self-doubt, we can help. We are dedicated to providing a safe and supportive environment to explore your thoughts and feelings. Contact us today to schedule a session and start your journey towards self-acceptance and compassion. Let us work together to cultivate a more compassionate and authentic you.

Some signs that you might be struggling with self-criticism include:

• You often find yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough”
• You beat yourself up over mistakes
• You compare yourself to others and feel inadequate
• You have trouble accepting compliments or praise
• You’re overly critical of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions

If any of these sound familiar, know that you’re not alone. Self-criticism is a common experience, and it can be worked with. By cultivating self-compassion and understanding, we can learn to be kinder to ourselves, and live more authentic, values-driven lives.

Take the first step towards breaking free from self-criticism. Contact us today to schedule a session and start your journey towards self-acceptance and compassion.